


And the words I left are the ones I regret

by DarkerParts



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Angst and Tragedy, Character Death, M/M, Major character death - Freeform, Soonhoon - Freeform, Soonyoung im so sorry, Tragedy, howoo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-07
Updated: 2020-10-07
Packaged: 2021-03-07 16:20:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,565
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26880562
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DarkerParts/pseuds/DarkerParts
Summary: Hi. Please read the tags. It's all the trigger warning you need.
Relationships: Kwon Soonyoung | Hoshi/Lee Jihoon | Woozi
Comments: 4
Kudos: 29





	And the words I left are the ones I regret

**Author's Note:**

> Hi. Please read the tags. It's all the trigger warning you need.

Jihoon can't even remember how he got here. Can't remember how he was able to drive without getting into an accident. Can't remember running out of his office, can't even remember stepping foot at the hospital. All that he knows is he has to be here. Has to find him. He needs to go where Soonyoung is. And that was what comes before anything else. Pushing aside whatever isn't related to Soonyoung. Everything is insignificant over Soonyoung.

"Mr. Kwon? Can you hear me?" The doctor shook him gently, and yet, Jihoon can't get out of the haze.

He knows it's important. He has to hear, to understand, what the doctor was saying. But he can't focus. His mind running and running, on the worst possibilities, on the what if's, on the what should be's. Soonyoung's name a constant scream in his head, all capital and bold. In a searing red font. There's a raw need inside him, a necessity. To be able to see, hold, and have Soonyoung in his arms. Or be wrapped around Soonyoung's strong biceps. It's just Soonyoung. He needs Soonyoung. _Right now._

  
"Please. Please do anything to save him" He begged. Because that's all he can do. To beg. To pray. To call for his name. To ask for another chance. For a longer time. For his life.

There's a certain helplessness that envelopes him. A bitter pill to swallow. No matter how much he wants to do something, anything, _just please,_ he can't. There's nothing he can do. He's not a doctor. And Soonyoung is currently on the Intensive Care Unit. With all the practiced doctors and nurse tending to him. Because that's what they do. They save lives. Jihoon, however, is just the husband. And he has no choice but to wait, with his breathe held and heart constricted, for Soonyoung to fight this battle and return home to him.

  
He let the nurse tend to him. Let them give him some food, some medicine. Some coffee. But nothing registers in his brain. He did all of it robotically. Just so he would be left alone. In front of closed doors, where Soonyoung is just steps away. Fighting for his life.

  
He remembered the call. Of an unknown person asking for Kwon Jihoon through his secretary. And he almost, _almost_ , turn around and ignore it. Almost asked his secretary to end it. Without hearing the purpose of it. But there's a skip in the beat of his heart, a misstep of his foot. And suddenly he's holding the phone and talking to a nurse.

  
"Is this Mr. Kwon Soonyoung's guardian?" Immediately there was a sudden lump on his throat, his guts turning and wrenching. Dread filled his whole being even before he hears it. He has to forced himself to answer. And yet he can even barely whisper a yes.

"He's in the hospital right now" it was all he needs to know before he's rushing. Like a hurricane. A frazzled train. He was running, out and about. Trying to get to Soonyoung as fast as he can.

It was a bus, they said. The driver got too much to drink and didn't see the incoming motorbike. The motorbike then made a turn, trying to save his life but instead, he bumped to another car. _Soonyoung's car._ That blinded him, crashed right on the front of his car. His windshield and bumper completely broken. Without it, he wasn't able to see where he was heading. He bumped to the truck.

  
It felt like torture. Hearing it. Not being able to see it, but able to relieve it. Like he was there. He can only imagine. How Soonyoung must've looked, must've felt. It was like he was being killed slowly. Like every part of him is being incapacitated. His skin being clawed. His heart being burned. How...how can this happen to Soonyoung? _His Soonyoung?_

  
"Jihoon" it was like a dam broke. He all but collapsed. Gasping for air, as if he's drowning. He can hear himself. Screaming. But he can't hear. He's wailing, but there were no tears.

There are arms holding him. Trying to make him breathe, trying to make him stop. But he can't. He feels lost. Dragged down by the chains in his limbs. He's struggling. Against what, he doesn't know. All he knows is he can't breathe. 

The faces blurred with the lights. Block spots invades his sight. Until he can't fight anymore, and let himself fall down, down down. Dark. And Cold. Alone.

  
He dreamt of that morning. Like he turned back in time. But instead, he was only allowed to watch. It was dreadful. He watched this Jihoon shout, misplaced anger in his face. Loud voices and hurtful words. They run out of his mouth like a faucet. He wasn't thinking anymore. He was just mad. And so is Soonyoung. When Jihoon saw him, even in this state. Cold eyes, firm words and anger frowns. He can't help but sobbed. Because he looks totally fine. Unscratched. Unwounded. He looks perfect. And he run to him. Wanting to hold. Wants to be near.

But he passed right by. Because this is just a dream. This has happened. _Just hours before._ And Jihoon wants so badly to scream at himself. At his old self. He wants to shake him. Wants to block him. 

_But he can't._ Because no matter how loud he shouts, their argument this morning is even louder. He can't even remember what it was. Why did they fight? What was the reason? How did it went like this? He watched, powerless, as Soonyoung get out of the room. And Jihoon, _that jihoon,_ follows behind. And he can remember. Every word, every action.

Can remember pulling the ring out of his finger. Can remember saying the words he regrets the most right now.

  
_"I regret ever marrying you"_

  
When he returned back to reality, he was met with tears. All of their friends sobbing, in different stages, in different forms. All of them has grief in their eyes and Jihoon just knows.

  
"I....no" He muttered, and stood up. Fighting the hands that gripped him. All he wants is to run to Soonyoung. But he was pulled into a hug. To a chest that doesn't belong to his husband. To a pair of strong arms, that wasn't meant for comfort. They were imprisoning him. Trying to stop him. 

  
They were whispering words to him. But Jihoon refused to hear it. Closed his ears, and shut down his mind. He doesn't want to hear it. Doesn't want to accept it. Because it can be real.

He was just there. He was just with him. They fought. They ended up in a bad note. He can't be gone. Not when Jihoon hasn't said sorry. Not when he hasn't right what he had done wrong. It can't be the end of their story. Can't be the end of their marriage. Jihoon can't, won't accept it. 

He wasn't able to say his apology. Wasn't able to say goodbye. Wasn't even able to say how much he loves him. 

_"I wasn't...I wasn't able to say I love you"_

and yet...he won't ever be able to do so.

_Jihoon screamed in his car. Tears falling down from his eyes, but without second thoughts, he turned the car around. Jumping out of his seat, he went back inside of the house._

_It was quiet. The morning still. As if there hasn't been chaos just minutes before. Everything is in place. You wouldn't even be able to tell the horror that it went through just before Jihoon came back._

_Soonyoung isn't around anymore. He has work. Just as Jihoon was. He might've went out the moment Jihoon did. But Jihoon can't leave like this. Can't leave without his ring on his fingers. So he went to work crawling in all fours. Sobbing as he tries to find his wedding band._

_There's a whine that's threatening to get out of his throat, a plea that's been wanting to get out of his mouth. He wants to call Soonyoung home. Wants him to turn back just like he did. So he can bring back the ring to him. So he can take back what he said, and that they can talk it out._

_And he was about to do that. But then a glint caught his peripheral view. And he immediately dived for it. Cheering loudly when it is in fact what he was looking for._

_He immediately put it back to where it belongs. Still crying, he kissed the ring on his finger and took out his phone. His heart shattering and glue-ing itself back when there's a single message that shows on his screen._

**_Husband Kwon_ **

**_[8:17]_ **

**_I'm sorry. For screaming. And for saying shit things. Please know that I love you very deeply. Let's talk it out later, please? I'll go home early. I love you._ **

_He was going to reply. But then he saw the time, and found that he was going to be late. So he pocketed his phone and thought to himself that later. He'll reply later. Once he's in his office, and he can call. Later. He'll tell him that he's sorry too, and that he'll be waiting for him. Later, he'll also send his own I love you._

_But later never came._

**Author's Note:**

> How do I even start this? Death, it isn't easy to accept. No matter what. I'm currently mourning. A person very close to me. I grew up with her taking care of me. And I had always thought that I would have a lot of time to do the same. But she was taken from us. Without any warning. All of a sudden.
> 
> And I don't know how to cope with that. I don't know how to grieve. I wasn't ready. I don't think anyone would ever be ready. And I don't think anyone would be able to really accept it.
> 
> I'm sorry for dumping this shit on you. But I have to find a way I can let this out.


End file.
